while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize