This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Can Purell be used as lube?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
