so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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