Only a mothe r could love this liver
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
