HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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