end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
