Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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