for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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