That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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