Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hippo gnu deer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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