So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize