I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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