I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
