she looked like the bat from fern gully.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
