please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
