Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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