as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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