Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
