yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
