Can Purell be used as lube?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
