I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
