Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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