Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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