how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
