I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
