she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
