How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
