You're so nebulous sometimes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize