What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
