its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
