I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
