Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
