the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
bring money and cleavage
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
