dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
