i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
