Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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