She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
