My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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