Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
