you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
