There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
