Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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