3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
