apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
