can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
