I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
