NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
