We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize