I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize