Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
