No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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