if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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