You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
