Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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