Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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