I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
