Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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